We all have those moments in our lives when we realize that everything we’ve done before is worthless, and it is time for change. Some of us wake up early in the morning after an uneasy night and look in the mirror, only to be struck by a realization “I want to be evil…” Don’t you worry, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, as that is exactly the feeling many great men had in the past too! Your name has just been added to the long list which includes characters as prominent as Neltharion, Arthas and Hogger! But first you are probably asking yourself “How to tell the world?” and “Where can I get help?” , well, look no further for you are at the right place! This is The Survival Guide for Cultists and it’s the only book you would ever need!

Chapter I – Dress Smart

Men are first judged by their clothes, so it is smart to start with your outfit. First reaction of just-awoken cultists is to put on their darkest robes and go attack somebody. That is absolutely normal behavior, and nothing to be ashamed of! But, these individuals soon run into their own face on wanted posters and realize that it is a time to hide. With their face about as famous as King Varian’s, these young men resort to masks and hats. Hats might be stylish, but nothing screams of suspicious as much as a shady man hiding his face in otherwise jolly and sunny city. You have been doing things wrong from the beginning if you got to this!

Proper cultists hide their face when doing evil deeds. Nothing terrifies the innocent as much as a faceless maniac sucking out their soul! Being scary and faceless also earns you the respect of your fellow cultists, and the best part is that now you can show your face in public without the fear of discovery! Now that you no longer need to hide in public, you can wear something more casual and blend in with the crowd too.

Cover your face when doing evil, walk freely when resting – not the other way around!

Now, not all of us have magical wardrobe allowing us to swap the outfits at whim. Some actually have to change. If you think that walking behind the corner and changing is a good idea, you are dead wrong! Nothing is as suspicious as a man walking into a room or alley with but one entrance, and an evil cultist leaving very-same room of alley a minute later. Not to mention that carrying your Evil Regalia in a bag all the time is not only burdensome but also stupid. There are plenty of good places to store your wardrobe and change without being too obvious, as long as you make sure you are not followed.

Chapter II – What’s in the name?

After you’ve been judged by your clothes, and not thrown away like dirt, introductions are usually in order. If your fellow cultists learn that your name is William Wafflefry, nobody will take you seriously. Your evil, face-concealing gear needs a proper disguise-name! Not to mention that once your infamy spreads, it will be hard to live with that name too. Remember that you get a chance to name-change once you progress from a lowly cultist to an evil Dark Lord, so don’t be too picky at start! Something modest and easy to remember will do.

Congratulations, now you got two names! Let’s say, William Wafflefry and Render. Next step is to keep them separate. It’s like a game in which you lead a double-life; to some people you are William, to others you are Render. It is important that neither group learns your other name. Cultists are a bit like demons, they don’t trust others with their names. Make sure nobody calls you Render when you are in your casual outfit chilling in the bar, and never let anybody call you William (not even that scanty-dressed, charming witch!) while you are in your evil attire.

Make sure you have different names for your Evil Self and your Casual Self, and never mix them. It is safest if nobody but yourself knows both your names, ever!

Chapter III – Where and when to get help?

Faithful gather for prayer, nobles meet at balls – cultists join cults. When to join your first cult? Before you’ve grown too powerful! Nothing angers Dark Lords as much as a fully-fledged cultist attempting to join their group. Such individual upset the balance of power, annoy the established order and irritate everybody beyond measure. Nobody likes powerful recruits! Join a cult as early as you can, preferably before you’ve learned anything at all about cultist trade.

Joining a cult early in your career has distinct advantages. You will benefit the most from their expansive learning program and will be swarmed by eager cultists willing to try their hand at teaching. And you would be surprised how cultists –love- to teach! Being taught will make you popular with the leadership and beloved by your peers. Terrific! Being a weak and lowly recruit will put you through a steep learning curve and allow you to perform, and learn from, tasks a powerful recruit would never even know. In the end, he who joins a cult early emerges more powerful, respected, experienced and beloved than those who are already powerful than they join. Living in a Cult is a trade of its own, and only way to become experienced in it, is to do it!

Cults don’t like powerful recruits; you must join as early as you can while you can’t even set a piece of paper on fire. This will earn you experience, respect and friends as well as power!

Chapter IV – Polishing the Forbidden Apple

Congratulations, you have cool clothes, fancy name and are now member of your very first cult! It’s time to empower yourself through knowledge and experience. First thing you must buy one of those gnomish alarm-clocks and set them for some time over two months. Why? Nobody likes smart-asses! In your first month in the cult you must simply accept whatever rules, regulations, chains of command or customs they have. Nothing enrages a Dark Lord as much as a newly-recruited cultist claiming to know it better. Enraged Dark Lords can kill, and you don’t want an early end to your career!

What Dark Lords love, are people saying “yes, Master”, “Right away, Master” and carrying out their orders. You are a weakling who just looked into the mirror and realized he was evil, so the tasks your master will give you cannot be that hard! Carry them out, address your boss with respect and bow as often as opportunity arises. Why would you be so submissive? Easily! The more the Master trusts you, the more interesting and diverse tasks he gives you, and the more chances you have to acquire knowledge and experience. Over a few months you will be accustomed to most pitfalls of Cultist trade and know your way around like no other!

Treat your master with uttermost respect and carry out whatever tasks he gives you with conviction and passion. Saying things like “Yes, Master”, “Your will be done, Master” and bowing are an absolute must.

Apple-polisher. That will probably be your first title. Render the Apple-polisher. You got good standing with your master, but you must not neglect your peers either. Best way to remain on friendly terms with your fellow cultists is to make them feel important. Help them with their tasks and assignments whenever asked and whenever you are able, find out what their strengths are and visit them asking for advice on that subject. Nothing pleases a cultist’s heart as much as a chance to teach a rookie! Why would you do that? Simple – so many people teaching you their strongest points will make you more powerful, not to mention you get new contacts – and contacts are GOOD.

Keep your peers well-inclined by asking them to teach you or give you advice, and assisting them when they need your aid

With your master and your peers well-inclined, and first month behind the back its time to become a smart-ass! You have experience, you’ve served well, your loyalty is unquestioned – and everybody knows it. Now it’s time to visit your Master with a few suggestions, while remaining respectful. This will open his eyes to the fact that you are not only a capable servant, but also capable of thinking on your own. By this time you probably know your Cult and your fellow Cultists well-enough to know what they like and need. If you can show initiative and further the goals of the Cult and aid your fellow Cultists without them asking you first, it’s a big win!

Start showing initiative when you know the cult and cultists. Start coming with suggestions when your reputation is established

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Informative & useful threads for Roleplayers